girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
