he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dick very happy bro
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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