plz talk dirty to me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
