Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
