...so i touched it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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