This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
