Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
