Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
