im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She bit a glass in half.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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