I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
