I am puke
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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