I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
