I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
