he shaved USA in his pubs
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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