I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
