What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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