Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
