a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
