I cut my penus on the lid.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
