using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
