At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
