So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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