accomplished twins. life is a go
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dicks are not precious.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
