I was born with a shot glass in my hand
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
