Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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