Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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