I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
