just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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