mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
