u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
