checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
