Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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