I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
