get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
