I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
