when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
