You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would ride that face into the sunset
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
