I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
