just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
