I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
