Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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