I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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