You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
