i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
