Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
