Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
