remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
