They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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