I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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