My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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