So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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