My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
