Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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