i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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