I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
